Getting to Know You/ Looking for Poppies

This morning, I was so nervous about teaching tonight that instead of being practical and reviewing my notes, I exhausted every time-wasting mechanism at my disposal. Since I don’t have internet in my room and I didn’t want to waste my reading material, I reviewed every extra on the DVD of ‘13 Going on 30’ (the deleted scenes are fun, but were rightfully pulled, because they do not advance the storyline. The bloopers aren’t anything special).

I finally got a grip on myself and decided to walk through town, to look for poppies and try to meet God. Although this past week has been hectic and busy, I could have made time for God and I did not. After church yesterday, I was given a new impetus to hungrily pursue time with the Lord. As I walked, I thought about if I was living ‘the winning life.’ I realized that I was not, because whenever I think about life, every fear and anxiety I have about my future floods my mind and squeezes the joy out of the moment. I have the choice to live in the perfect love of God, the love that drives out all of these fears, and yet I am still riddled with uncertainty. My walk began with these insidious thoughts at the top of my mind, driving my footsteps and coloring my view of the scenery.

I walked towards the edge of town, near the road where I had seen hundreds of poppies last week. I dodged the road and instead walked under it, by a little stream that led into the river. I enjoyed watching the stream, but was disappointed that no poppies appeared for me to photograph. I began to worry that they had begun to die in the past week. Maybe my fear that I had missed the poppies because I was too busy unpacking or sleeping resembled the fear that I had missed something important in life, because I was too busy perfecting my class schedule or a paper.

As I crossed a bridge over the stream, mallards squawked at me while they paddled around in fluffy white plant debris that fills the air in spring. I kept walking until I reach the edge of the river, grateful for a free afternoon to fill with aimless wandering. I kept hearing Alison Krauss singing about rivers and praying, and I thought what an apt setting running, sparkling water is for basking in God’s presence. My heart began to unclench and I thought I could find more poppies, if I looked harder.

I followed the loop of the river, past paddle boats and hostile swans, until I saw a nearly hidden footpath. I had almost

decided to walk past it, when I felt a nudge to keep going straight, to try this broken up path. When I reached the end with no poppies, no hint of anything other than overgrown greens, I was disappointed, particularly with God. I had attributed to God the nudge I felt to walk a little further in. When my short trip came up with nothing, I rolled my eyes at myself, for being so silly. It had nothing to do with God that I felt like walking on that path full of shade, a place where poppies wouldn't naturally grow, and then did not find poppies. I turned back, a little disheartened, hoping I would find a sunny bank and poppies elsewhere.

On my way to the head of the path, my downcast eyes caught something that I hadn't seen before. All alone, one cheerful, stalwart poppy danced by the bank. I must have missed it on the way in, when my confident eyes were looking straight ahead, at what was far in front of me, instead of around me. At that moment, I felt like if I could see God's face, it would have been filled with mirth and crinkled eyes.

I think this one little poppy, growing somewhere she didn't belong, was more beautiful, and a greater gift, than an entire hillside of poppies growing in the sunlight.

As I walked back to town, I had to laugh a little at the number of poppies I suddenly noticed. They were everywhere.